Yes I wet the bed!
So I’m going to continue by
writing about another seizure of mine, my second big fit. But firstly I would
also like to acknowledge that there are various forms of epilepsy and in the
grand scheme of things I’m mildly touched by it! One form of Epilepsy is ‘Petit
Mal’, also known as Absences, which usually last hmmm...about 15 seconds I
would say. In its prime I suffered probably about ten or more in a day,
although at the time I would almost certainly deny it, as it was (well to me
anyway) embarrassing. It’s kind of like day dreaming and more often than not
looks like it too. You kind of phase out for a couple of seconds, even
minutes’. You could be mid flow in conversation and then BAM! You just go
blank. I hate them. Only because they make me look like an utter idiot; as
sometimes when I snap back out of one I say random words. I remember once
saying the word ‘Dog’ mid conversation. I mean I’ve always been slightly odd,
but not odd enough to throw random words into the mix. I somehow tried to fit
(no pun intended) it into the conversation to avoid embarrassment. I used to
hate it when family members would say ‘you just had an abscense’ (yes thanks
for that I’m fully aware no need to point it out!) I would strongly deny it and
say I was daydreaming, maybe perhaps defending myself a little too much. Fortunately
now I have got them more under control, or have learnt to talk my way out of
them better!
I know other individuals, children (shout out
to the inspirational children at New hope) and close friends (cough cough
Lauren) that suffer with these daily, but never complain. They just get on with
it. Amazing. It still amazes me how people with severe epilepsy or even debilitating
epilepsy or whatever condition they may have epilepsy or not, never seem to be
caught moaning, never let it get them down or at least try not let it affect
any one around them. So really I can’t complain. Hats off to you.
So let’s continue the 2nd
big fit...which I can recall, was when I was happily sitting in my bed with a
bowl of weetabix, I think I must have put too much milk in because they were
extremely soggy. Mom tells me she had a gut feeling that morning once she left
my room something wasn’t right and she needed to come up again. Good old mom,
she was right. My arch enemy Epilepsy had struck again. The cunning little
tyke. Again no warning, no signs, nada. My weetabix had managed to go up the
wall in a phenomenal fashion; this is why I think I must have gone OTT with the
milk. And to top off this terrific morning, I had wet the bed. That’s right
folks, you heard it here first I had wet the bed. Not only this, oh no there is
more. The night before I had been surrounded by children who were riddled with head
lice. So before I went to bed I had put that horrible stinking head lice stuff
on my head (you know the stuff girls, if you don’t you’re lying!) as a precaution.
So not only did I stink of my own wee (I’m going to say wee to be polite) I
also had crazy stinky lady hair and was covered in weetabix. WINNING! But in
all seriousness I trying to make it light hearted otherwise you can dwell on
these embarrassing moments too much. As a teenager this is a mortifying
experience. However your body looses all control (more or less) over its
functions when going into a grand mal ‘big’ seizure. There is so much the body
is trying to contend with, keeping control of your bladder is the least of its
problems when it’s trying to get you back up and running. So try not to dwell
on it too much. Yea it’s embarrassing but you can’t control it, it’s one of the
only times in your teenage/grown up life, where this is going to be acceptable!
Again I remember feeling scared
and unsure what was going on. I also remember crying because this was the first
time it hit home it was epilepsy as it was my second fit, but I still couldn’t
understand what was going on, what mom was saying or why I had to change my
clothes, when In my head I wasn’t planning on going anywhere. I remember
hearing two men, who turned out to be paramedics, voices outside my room urging
me to get changed. I was changing into clothes Mum had quickly found to go in
the Ambulance to hospital in. She picked out some 3 quarter length trackies and
a sports top, not even a brand, actually it could of been Kappa....always keep
it classy. I don’t know where and earth she acquired these clothes from but the
image suited the smell perfectly. Thanks mum!
The Paramedics were trying to
hurry me up. At the time I thought they were being mean, two total strangers
asking me to get changed, who do they think they are? In fact they were doing
the total opposite, they were trying to hurry me incase I had another fit.
(Fits often come in clusters and happen in concession to one another, I’ve come
to find in my situation). I’ve never found it so hard to put on clothes in my
life. I’ve never been good at the gym but it felt as though I was lifting
weights both on my arms and legs or the day after a big training session (I
imagine!) ; whilst trying to cope with my brain once again trying to break out
of my body; whilst I try and sort the puzzle out of what the hell is actually
going on!
In the ambulance I talked
absolute gobldey gook, talking absolute jibberish. This often happens to
epileptics as they are trying to make sense of things and the brain is more or
less rebooting and re-wiring itself. I also began to become quite aggressive.
Imagine if you came out of a deep sleep and a group of strangers were hovering
over you, poking you with needles and trying to put something on your face.
Your first instinct would be to fight back wouldn’t it? With no feeling what so
ever I ripped the IV out of my hand like the hulk and started to be quite rude.
Well not quite, I did. It soon passed and I started apologising for everything,
the bed wetting, the hair, the clothes, and the fit. But the paramedics had
seen it all before. They must have smelt it all before too! They were kind and
reassuring and didn’t leave my side until they felt I was out of harm’s way. Unfortunately
this was quite a big fit and again required me to stay in hospital, with many
fits coming quickly after it. Again the hospital staff were on hand to help
day and night!
A few days after the fit I found
it really difficult to walk and was exhausted, spending most of my time
sleeping. It felt like I was wearing one of those old fashioned deep sea diving
suits. Friends and family visited me at home to keep me from dying of boredom.
My best friend Laura (again a long suffering friend of mine) did my make up and
hair so I looked more myself... more ‘normal’.
I guess this section of my story
is to say thanks to everyone who helps. The hospital staff, best friends and
family. These are the most important people. They pick you up when your down
and they also live with epilepsy but in a different way, they make me laugh
make me smile and they couldn’t actually care less about my epilepsy which is
great! Aimee and the epilepsy are two separate entities. Also to appreciate the epileptic individuals
who suffer daily but never complain....and hopefully don’t smell of wee!
:)
